The Summer of 2014

(Apologies for being so late it's not even funny).

Hey there. It's summer. Guess I can't write about my life on a daily basis anymore.

...

PFFFT.

I got a job to go to! Hopefully. And there's always stuff to do with the group from St. Marys. I probably won't write about every. single. day. Because, sometimes, the world just doesn't throw a car chase in your face.

May 1

Vector 00-1: The Interview
Here's my first entry; a Job Entry. A lot of my entries will be Job Entries, with some occasional Sharkasm Entries thrown in. I did some research on the conmpany interviewing me. Vector Marketing is a company that prides itself on being a provider for students looking for a summer job. The job itself? Selling cutlery.

Oh. Okay. Apparently my sister recommended me when she got interviewed. You rock, Caley.

The office is really far away. Like, 7.8 kilometres away. Google Maps says the walk should take 98 minutes. Well screw them! I'll jog there in 70 minutes! It was a good jog. Took me way down south. I don't go to this part of London very often.

I had a hell of a time looking for their actual building. They obviously gave me their address, but they're located in a plaza and I don't know where in the plaza they are. It took me 15 minutes to find it. And I was still early (screw Google Maps). I was allowed to change into my work outfit in a nearby diner.

The interview...wasn't. Not really. The manager there (her name is Alyssa) said it would be about an hour. But that hour is really just sitting there (in a group with the other interviewees, no less) and listening to her talk about the company and our specific position.

Here's what I would do at Vector. I would call people (of certain age and income, these knives are expensive) I know, ask them if they would be willing to listen to me do a "demo" for CUTCO Cutlery. It's a 30-45 minute presentation on the product, mostly just me talking (along with a few example knives).

Whether or not they buy the product, I get paid a base amount (extra if they buy enough). I can meet them at home or present over the phone while they watch an online slideshow (this option works for me; every potential customer I know lives in not-London).

So then Alyssa called us into her office, one by one. She chatted with me for, hm, no more than five minutes, and was all like:

Alyssa wrote:I think you'd be a good fit here.

Holy shit I have a job.
A low pay sales job. But A JOB.
I HAVE A JOB.
I HAVE A JOB!!!!

And the day got better. Alyssa asked me if I wanted to start the three-day training today. Today.

Well it's not like I got much else to do this summer at the moment.

May 2

Vector 00-2: The Training
Training each day is about five hours or so. Nothing to major. Which helps, because I have a long distance to travel each day.

So far, Vector sounds a lot like Canadian Property Stars. In some ways, they really are. But there are several important distinctions:

1. I'm not spending the whole day lugging around a hundreds-pound machine; I'm sitting comfortably at home making phone calls.

2. I get paid for the presentation, no matter what. I truly get paid for my work (suck it, CPS).

3. I work exactly whenever I want. Aside from two short weekly meetings and a daily two-minute call to Alyssa, I call and talk to as many or as few people as I want. Super flexible schedule (suck it, CPS).

4. Alyssa has the charm of the entire CPS staff combined. Not something that pertains to Vector as a whole, really, but it's worth mentioning.

The knifes here really are cool. The Super Shears can cut through coins. Specific coins, but coins!

The presentation they expect us to give each time is completely laid out in the training manual. It is all sorts of convenient. There's the one passage near the end they really really really want us to memorize, about asking for recommendations, and that's alright.

I was the first to memorize yesterday, so I won a hot chocolate.

May 3

Vector 00-3: The Job
Training ended, and our first day begun! Vector has a special program laid out for newcomers; the Fast Start. If we sell a lot in our first ten days, we can win some really cool prizes. I'm talking iPad and shopping spree and a night out with the National Manager. I don't feel to confident about selling that much, but, y'know, the fantasy keeps me going.

Working with my sister's pretty cool. I get to see her twice a week. And she makes a tiny bonus off of any sales I make.

Have I mentioned how cool it is that I have a job?

May 5

Vector 01: Fresh Start(s)
So my first demo ever was a mom of a friend. It was pretty good in itself. We talked over the phone, because she's in St. Marys and I'm in London. So I could just read from the manual, leaving me able to focus on my tone.

Pretty normal day...except Canadian Property Stars called. See, I missed a call from them (regarding what my next day would be) back in late April. I sent a message asking them to call me back, because at this time I did not have the Vector job. Now they've finally gotten back to me. Way to zoom zoom guys.

Man, I don't really want to go back...
but I did want them to call me...
but it took them so long...
hhnnngg...
damn it, I'll do it. May 13. Second day. And my last.

May 6

Vector 02: Calling Mom
Yeah, I can totally call members of my family for demoes, so long as their in the customer demographic. Mom didn't buy anything, but it's the time that counts.

May 8

Vector 03: WorkshAAAGGGHH
So tonight's our first Workshop at Vector Marketing. It's a long jog, but their's only two meetings a week, so I don't mind.

But before that, DRAMA. KNIFE DRAMA. NOT THE CUTCO KIND. I was just preparing some pre-workshop dinner when all of a sudden the knife slips and I cut my hand.. It was horrendous! By far the greatest wound my body had ever injured!

I mean, it wasn't life-threatening.
I didn't even need stitches.
Hell, I went to the meeting right after.
...
I don't get injured a lot.

Anyway, the workshop was alright. It was pretty casual. Didn't even feel that much like work. Alyssa just discussed marketing strategies with us. Man we didn't even need our fancy work clothes.

So at the end of the evening we went to a nearby restaurant. Little tidbit: the London workers for Vector are called the Knights, as part of the "Warrior" District. So we sought out a round table at which to sit. It got better; we decided to give each other Knight Nicknames. But not just any Knight Nicknames; Knife Knight Nicknames. Alyssa was Sir French Chef, Caley was Sir Table, and I was Sir Slicer.

You know the weirdest part is the cut virtually doesn't even hurt. It's pretty deep, but the largest sensation I feel there is the tickle I get from the polysporin.

May 9

Vector 04: Sale! Sale! Sale!
Called up my roomate's mom. Another relaxing demo, no worries. I'm wrapping things up when she's all like, "Yeah, I'd like to buy something". Holy shit, it actually happened! I made a sale! So cool. So cool.

It's weird; I've made sales, but haven't gotten any leads. Figured getting phone numbers from people would happen more often out of the two,

Still May 9

Sharkasm 01: Housewarming Party
Oh, that's right, I have friends!
No you don't.
Shut up Lewis you're a coat.

Shelby's moving in with a bunch of people for the new school year and was hosting a party for the Group tonight. So the timing worked out great between this and my demo, but actually finding the house was a bitch. I got lost twice. It's a house, Google Maps. People live there. We are people. How can we not get to where we are?!

And yet this night still turned out fantastic. Everyone was there. We played games, we caught up with each other's viewing history. I even got to look after a drunk friend for a few hours. Eat your heart out Gilgamesh, this is a tale for the ages!

May 10-12

Family 01-03: Waterford
Right the next morning, mom picked me and Caley up for us to stay in Waterford for the weekend. Pretty good break, just sitting back at Mom's house. Went to the Legion to drink beer with Grandpa. Took a drive to the trailer. Played Super Mario 3D World. That game is so fun.

Caley and I were actually in Waterford at the time of the weekly Monday meeting for Vector Marketing. We Skyped in for the hour-or-so.

Vector 05: Just All Sorts of Things Happening!
So I got home from Waterford, and I did a demo! With another friend's mom.
I did the demo, and she bought stuff!
I filled out the order, and then I went to my Eclipse Phase meeting!

This was Many Things Day! HAIL MANY THINGS DAY!!

May 13

Canadian Property Stars
I'm not even numberin' this shit, 'cause I'm only doing this once this summer.

So, again, I left the house at around 7:20am to get to work at 8:15am. The morning was mostly sitting and listening. Drivewa-Sealing/Window-Washing Season's coming up, so the CPS Overlords gave us an outline of what that would be like. Yes, I am very intrigued by the prospect of working for you more.

Okay, so, the head guy was talking for a bit this morning. And he provided us with...a strategy. A...cultural strategy, if you will. He insisted that people of different ethnicities required different mannerisms when talking. You see, Italian people love it when you use hand gestures, while them Chinese folk prefer you standing still. Speaking of Chinese, did you know that family is super-duper important to the Chinese people? If your customer is Chinese, make sure you call the whole family together. You'll make the Chinese person feel better.

I don't wanna get too upset, 'cause it's not really my place. But it definitely warrants addressing. It all sounded downright unprofessional. Like, what if a Chinese person was working there?

I got dropped off in a far-off neighbourhood. I started the day with lunch, as in Entry 169 of Grade 14. Unlike the first day, though, today was hot. Very hot. It worked out fine at 11am, when it was just warm. But the afternoon was kinda brutal.

I started the day with nothing; no pre-paid customers like before. No big deal, I don't need CPS. I'm just here out of an unjustified sense of duty. I walked around the neighbourhood, knocking on doors and mostly just leaving doorhangers for the people not there. Hey, what gives with sending people out to talk to potential customers at their homes during the middle of a Tuesday? Okay, yeah, some people will be home, not everyone's a 9to5er. But plenty of people are.

A few hours in, pity was taken on me and my groups supervisor drove to me to hand me two pre-paid customers. Praise the Lawn, I've made $22 today! Gah, let's just get these over with. The first one was a bit tricky. It was a corner house: the lawn was relatively big, and it sloped plenty. Took way too long to finish, but whatever, the customer was a cool guy.

The second customer? Separated from me by a busy road. And not a traffic light to be found. Now, normally I'm a fit young adult, so a street like this wouldn't be too problematic; just sprint across when there's an opening. Today, however, I'm a fit young adult lugging a 200lb machine on two wheels. There are no openings. How the hell-?

*KER-THUNK*.
OH WHAT NOW?!

Is...is the aerator broken? What happened, I was just pushing like normal, and now the handle's bent the wrong way. The aerator's lowered like when it's aerating. I can prop it back to normal, but ten paces later in falls again. Wha...what ddid I do? Is this my fault? Shit, I can't afford to fix a $3000 aerator.

So, finally, I got a time with relatively no traffic. I dashed across, broken aerator trudging in front of me, and somehow, I made it. Don't know how I'm gonna get back, but at this point, I don't care. That's CPS's problem now.

The second customer's lawn's were pretty good, actually: flat, square and obstacle free. At this point in the day, though, I was ready to collapse. Seriously, I felt myself about to vomit. Didn't, but only because I stopped every ten minutes to collect myself. This customer was another cool guy, so that was something. There was just an hour or two left in the day, I don't care about this shit at ALL anymore, just let this end.

And then it rained.

Lots'a rain. Big, dark clouds swimming overhead. And you know what? It was wonderful, beautiful in a heartbreaking sort of way. A shitty end to a shitty day. This just might have been worse than Day 1. No scratch that; this was definitely better than Day 1.

One elderly couple saw me and invited me to their porch. Cool. They offered me ginger ale. Way cool. They chatted with me as the storm passed (apparently the husband use to do stuff like this back when he was my age). They let me use their bathroom. Now, that was super-sweet on their part, but a bit cruelly ironic for me. I actually didn't need the bathroom as badly as my first day. I mean, that day I could hardly move at the end. Whatever, God bless those two.

Okay, great, the guy's picking me up, yes, great, let's go, yes yes let's pick up everyone else, c'mon let's go, great we're there we're at the headquarters let's wrap this up let's go already yes yes $22 thank you fuck you c'mon LET'S GO.

Oh, by the way, my broken aerator? Yeah, apparently it needs to be looked at again. Yeah, of all the shitty rotten luck, I got the aerator that already had issues.

10:15-Never again. Never doin' this again.

May 16

Sharkasm 02: Pokemon Party
Another Group party! This time at Kasey and Landon's apartment, in London. I was the first to show up by a long shot (everyone else was coming from St. Marys.

Kasey really went the extra mile for this party, baking dozens of cupcakes for us. I found the N64 and Pokemon Stadium 2.
Fuck.
Yes.
Everyone else got there, and I was just battling through the Challenge Cups. Half of us ended up just spending the night doing type-themed Vs. Mode.

Best party ever.

May 17

Vector 06: Say Uncle
Called an uncle today for a demo. No sale, no (definite) leads.

Me and my sister are splitting up our family and hometown for demoes. Caley gets Dad and Christy and one uncle, I get Mom and Grandpa and another uncle. She gets family friends from St. Marys, I get family friends from Norfolk. It's a good plan.

May 18

Sharkasm 03: Smells Sushi
So it turns out the gang was coming to London for a sushi lunch. So they invited me along.

This isn't the first time I've had sushi; my first ever time was actually last June, on the eve of Impulse 2013. Turns out sushi's pretty fucking awesome. I think we got to much food this time.

We then went to Indigo Books to browse for chameleons. Rob got a Chinese dictionary. Me and Duncan looked at graphic novels and manga.

Man I wanna learn a language. Man I wanna learn ALL of them.

Mondays

Vector 07: Mundane Monday Meetings Matched by Manic Meals
Okay not quite manic.

Not much to say about Monday meetings; they're more professional than Thursday workshops, so we don't do much hanging out after. We DO go to the nearby Qdoba for a quick bite after the meetings.

Dude, there's this Coke machine. It has a touch screen, and hundreds of different kinds of soda. They have vanilla root beer. It's sweet. But of course it is; it's full of sugar.

PUNS FOR THE PEASANTS.

May 21

Vector 08: Desperate
Called up my high school sorta-drama teacher for a demo.
Why yes, I am running out of people to call. And still only two people have actually given me leads.
I actually had to use a work phone because the call was long-distance. Alyssa is cool like that; she's all like

Alyssa wrote:Yeah, just use my phone, it has unlimited long-distance minutes.

Superconvenient.

Thursdays

Vector 09: Weird Workshops
Sometimes, after we chat and schedule demoes, we go to the jungle gym of the nearby school and play Grounders.
We are the best adults.

One Thursday, Alyssa actually got a movie for us. Sharp. Get this: the plot is, a deadbeat high school graduate needs to get a job, so he applies to Sharpco. It's an okay (independent) film, but here's the weird part. That high-school graduate? He looks, at least, 30.

It's fucking bizarre. His parents look old about a decade older than him. And then there's this part where a 40-something customer comes outside in a suggestive outfit and attempts to seduce him. Now, the writing suggests that she's some sort of cougar or whatever. Yeah, okay, but YOUR HIGH-SCHOOLER IS A 30-YEAR-OLD. OF COURSE SHE'S GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO HIM.

Apparently the indie-director had a job with Cutco. Okay.

May 23.

Vector 10: It Really Does Last
Demoed an aunt. When scheduled, she even said she was interested in buying. Cool. Actually, apparently she has already owned some Cutco cutlery for about twenty years now. Wow, Vector does not kid about its longevity.

My aunt bought a new knife. So far, the only people who've bought have been the ones who already own some of the cutlery, and no one who already owns the cutlery doesn't not buy.

Still May 23.

Sharkasm 04: Come on Overnight
Rob and a friend want to crash at my place tonight for a London Melee tournament tomorrow.
SWEET!!!

They were driving from St. Marys. We agreed to meet at Masonville Mall. I jogged all the way from my house, and I actually beat them there. We walked back to my house, frequently checking for a bus that could take us there. None drove by us.

The walk took way too long. You know how you walk slower with friends, because you're talking to them? Well, the distance we're traversing takes 45min for me to jog. We were pretty exhaus

May 24.

Sharkasm 05: Melee Tourney
The tournament didn't start until mid-afternoon. We got breakfast/lunch/meal at Tim Hortons.
Funny story.
My Siri indicated a Tim Hortons on Adelaide. It was supposedly pretty close, so we just walked there. We were travelling pretty far, and we never found it. We headed back in the opposite direction, when off to our left we see a fuckin' Tim Hortons. It was hiding from us. Its positioning was terrible.

The Melee tournament was fun. I did pretty bad in Singles, but Rob won the whole thing. I teamed up with Rob for Doubles, and we got second. Oh yeah, that was all me.

Late at night, Rob's mom picked them up to bring them back to St. Marys. This has been a fun weekend. I need to visit St. Marys for my birthday weekend.

May 27

MNR 00-1: The Beginning of the Beginning of Something Great
No demoes this week. That sucks.
But then THE GOVERNMENT CALLED!!! You see, all the way back in March, in the days of schoolwork and regularly updates, I applied online for a Summer position in the Ministry of Natural Resources, as an Engineering Assistant. It's only now that they've contacted me for an interview. I'm scheduled for May 29, my birthday.

Best present ever.

MNR 00-2: Practice Run
The Ministry of Natural Resource's building is really far away. Like, two-hour-jog far. I can't do that every day (if I get the job). So I practiced taking the bus. Cut down the trip in half. Neat.
Went inside to cool down for a bit. The security guard was nice.
Heh, it's near White Oaks Mall. Remember Year 1's Entry 076?

May 29.

MNR 00-3: Best Present Ever
Super fucking hot day. I actually travelled all the way in regular shirt and shorts before changing into my interview outfit at White Oaks Mall.

I arrived in good time for my interview for the government job. The interviewer, Jug, insisted that he wanted a casual tone for this. Alright. The interview felt pretty standard: what sort of experience I had, any instances of solving a particular sort of problem, my strengths and weaknesses. I actually brought up my memorization skills and Jug asked for an example. I got to show off my memorization of the Periodic Table of Elements to a prospective employer. So cool.

Jug could tell I hadn't had many interviews. He offered me feedback on my performance in the interview. That was nice. I ended up not being there for very long, only about half of the expected.

I started heading to White Oaks to change back in time for Mom to pick me and Caley up for a birthday dinner. Then I get a call from Mom. Apparently she was in the MNR parking lot the whole time.
Oh.
Hi Mom!

Still May 29.

Family 04-Happy Birthday
We went to Jack Astor's for dinner. I got chicken fingers and fries, and a cookie brownie for desert.
...
dude.
Crownie.

Mom got me a 3DS, and money for me to buy The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds.
This has been an awesome day to commemorate 20 years of existence.